a3amriddle's Diaryland Diary


9 months and 2 days

How can she be gone? 9 months and 2 days and it's still just as heartbreaking.this her has taken so much from me. I fought so hard to get to this place,and now I feel simple steps away from being there again. Hurts so bad, all of that other pales to this. There's not a single person left whose been there my whole life. My biggest fear, above all else, past the rape, torture, at least I had her. Still doesn't seem real. 31 and I'm basically an orphan. The rest of us haven fallen apart and away without her. Whose going to wake me up at almost 4 on my birthday and tell me how happy they are that I'm alive? Who am I gonna harass with the hippopotamus song? Whose lap am I supposed to lie my head in? She always stood in my corner, and now surrounded by people who love and support me, I feel so alone.theyre all reminding me what's still left and all I can see is what's gone. I can't fix this, I can't make it better. I can't even ignore it. Can't drink it away.a and I have this beautiful lil face looking up at me for answers, to lead her, and I'm so far lost. These days I'm tired and I'm short and impatient. I'm trying so hard but I feel like a horrible mom. Because really I just want my own

9:49 p.m. - 2016-11-27


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